Define the word "late"

So I've failed. It's been almost more than four months since I've blogged, which is really unfortunate because tucked inside those months was a kickin' summer break with lots of great story material. Sometime I'll actually get around to posting pictures, but you'll have to create your own captions.

My newest motivation for blogging is the realization that I talk about work too much. I'm hoping that if I write it, maybe I won't be so compelled to complain and/or tell stories about my kids. No promises, though.

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12:30 pm. The bell rings, marking the beginning of my 5th period class. About half the class walks in a minute or two late, which in Ellington terms, is still early. Class starts, we discuss last night's (awful!) presidential debate and our thought-provoking quote for the day ("Illegal immigration has always been a problem in America; just ask any Native American"). The students had just finished a practice quiz on European geography when the door opens and my favorite (cough) student walks in.

Me: "Why are you 30 minutes late for class?"

Student: "I'm not late!"

Me: "Class starts at 12:30, and it is now 1:00. By definition, you are late."

Student: "But, I was downstairs with that guy. I didn't bring a note from him, but he'll write me an excuse note."

Me: "What were you doing downstairs? And what guy?"

Student: "The security guard guy. I went to the bathroom, he saw me go in there!"

Me: "So you've been in the bathroom for the past half hour?", generously thinking maybe he had been sick or something.

Student: "No!! I just went to the bathroom and then came out. That's why I'm late. He saw me go in there."

Me (by now, very confused/annoyed/amused): "Let me see if I can get this straight. The security guard is going to write you a note excusing you from class because you went to the bathroom? Which, incidentally, you should have done at lunch?"

Student: "But lunch is for eating!!!! You can't mark me late!"

Why do I even respond? Honestly, pure entertainment value. His excuses got worse and worse as the conversation continued. And he just can't figure out why he's failing all his classes. Why they blame teachers for poor performance is beyond me.